Other than morning sickness my pregnancy was uneventful until around the 16th week. During a routine ultrasound at our doctor's office, it was suspected that our baby's abdomen was two weeks gestationaly larger than its head. We had been asked to return the next day to the hospital, near the doctors' office, for a much more detailed ultrasound.
Mark and I had been growing spiritually and we had learned that giving things to the Lord to handle was better than trying to fix them ourselves. We spent the evening praying and giving this baby to God an asking him to have his way.
That next afternoon, we arrived at the hospital and made our way to the radiology department where the ultrasound took place. After several anxious minutes in the exam room, we learned that our baby was just fine! What a test! And a wonderful answer to prayer.
Although the remainder of my pregnancy progressed well I continued to sense that this baby would be challenged in some way. We decided that whatever the outcome, we would love our baby since we knew it was a gift from the Lord.
On November 10,1994, at 8:30 a.m., Jessica Ann Berry was born. She weighed 9lbs. and was 21 inches long and very, very healthy. Initially I was surprised at her health, but relieved that nothing was visibly wrong. She is our second daughter and third child. This was also my third C-section and I had always recovered quickly, but two days after my surgery I developed a fever and was given i.v. antibiotics. Then I began to notice some things about Jessica that heightened this strange sense that all was not right. She was not nursing well, and was lethargic. On the morning of the fourth day, I awoke to find that she felt warm to my touch. I called the nurse who came in to check on her. She took Jessica's temprature and discovered that she had a fever of 101.4.
The charge nurse from the newborn nursery visited with us explained that newborns rarely get a fever because they don't have immune systems like older children.
Jessica was taken to the nursery and given i.v. antibiotics. After my i.v. was discontinued, Jessica and I were moved to the pediatric unit for observation and after spending seven long days in the hospital, we went home believing that all was well.
On the 13th day of Jessica's little life we woke up to start a regular day and then I began to see the symptoms again only this time she had stopped wetting her diapers and was blue around her mouth. Mark came home, took one look at her and agreed that she did not look well. We had been taking her temperature three times per day as her doctor had instructed. It had dropped from 98.6 to 93.3 in a matter of a few hours.
We rushed her to St.Joseph's Regional Health Center in Hot Springs, Arkansas. In the ER, we watched as several tests were performed. A spinal tap was clear however an x-ray revealed fluid in her lungs. The diagnosis was septic shock. Somewhere, somehow, a virus or bacteria had attacked her bloodstream. Her kidneys and other vital organs were shutting down to keep the blood around her heart and brain. The decision was made to air lift her to Arkansas Children's Hospital in Little Rock, Arkansas.
As we waited for the helicopter to arrive, the E.R. staff would tell us how far away it was.
Seventeen minutes, fifteen, then twelve, then ten , five, two and................
As those last two minutes ticked away we began to hear the rotors of the helicopter as it landed. A team of doctors and nurses came in to stabilize Jessica and prepare her for the flight. They were so professional and caring.
As sick as she was, little Jessica still fought as they intubated her for the ventilator. We were informed that she had been given drugs to paralyze and sedate her so not to expect any movement when we touched her. I remember, though, when I touched her little arm, her body jumped as if to say, "Mom, it's going to be o.k.." We then said our final "good-byes" and at 1:30 a.m. Thanksgiving morning we watched from the hospital parking lot as the helicopter, so appropriately named "Angel One", flew away with our precious baby girl.
I have never felt so entirely helpless...........................ever.
Jessica arrived at Arkansas Children's Hospital in 15 minutes. We would meet up with her in the hour it took to drive to Little Rock. I prayed for strength. I continue to be amazed and awed at how God dealt with the emotions we went through during this whole time. As Mark drove, God slipped me into a sleep that would totally recharge me for what was about to come.
When we arrived at Children's Hospital, we found Jessica in the Pediatric Intensive Care Unit surrounded by doctors and nurses, cardiologists and critical care specialists; all of whom had an interest in her care.
The various machines routinely sounded and kept us on edge. However we came to realize, after a short time, what wonderful care she was getting. Around 7:00 a.m. we went to get something to drink. Mark went to tell the staff, at their request, where we would be. When he returned, he said that the doctor wanted to speak to us. We met with the critical care specialist shortly after 7:30 and with tears in his eyes he told us that Jessica had gone into cardiac arrest and had no heart beat for five minutes but they had managed to get her resuscitated Then he tearfully said there was no other way to tell us except to say, "She's not going to make it through the day."
An Echocardiogram showed that Jessica's heart was functioning at ten percent of normal. The left wall of her heart was swollen and the mitral valve that separates the top and bottom chambers was separated and moving aimlessly. Clean and dirty bloods were mixing together.
We began calling family and friends who in turn started prayer chains all over the country. Mark's parents and our other two children were with us. We all cried and prayed together. More family and friends joined us throughout the morning. The emotions were so painful and our hearts ached as we grieved for our baby girl.
Around 10:30 a.m. we began to feel an incredible sense of peace. God was giving us that peace that passes all understanding. Philippians 4:6-7 says, "Do not be care filled for any thing, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace that passes all understanding will keep your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus."
God's peace is different from the world's peace. It's not found in positive thinking, in absence of conflict, or in good feelings. Real peace comes from knowing that God is in control.
We knew the Lord was carrying us and helping us stay strong. He had a plan, we only had to step aside and let Him work.
Jessica made it through that Thanksgiving day. She held her own and even improved slightly over the next several days.
At one point she was being given 8-10 different medications called pressers, to keep her heart rate and blood pressure up. There were daily ups and downs, routine adjustments and an actual improvement up to 18 percent in her heart function. Then on Sunday December 4th, the cardiologist met us as we came to visit Jessica. She explained that Jessica's heart function had worsened, and that the heart muscle itself was now damaged without any chance of natural recovery. With this in mind our option was either a heart transplant or we could choose to remove the life-support equipment and not put her through it. We made our decision and chose every chance for life.
On December 5th,1994 Jessica was placed on the national heart transplant list at Stage 1 critical, and just one month old. She was moved to the Cardio-Vascular Intensive Care Unit to wait for a heart. The days were long and we sometimes felt no end was in sight. Mark had to return to work so I spent the days at the hospital alone, never wanting to leave but not knowing really how I should feel.
